Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
