oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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