Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
