dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
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Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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