you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
