party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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