I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
