Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
