I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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