cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
