I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
