So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
