no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize