As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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