all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
