we're blogging at a bar
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
