A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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