The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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