is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The power of my boobs compel you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
