Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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