The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
