dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
