I think I won the penis lottery.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
