Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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