Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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