True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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