did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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