real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
