i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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