Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
