The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
