i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my being single is dangerous.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
