there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
