I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
