Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
