If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
