He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
