I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
