Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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