Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
