guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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