coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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