I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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