You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
