How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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