I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
