I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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