the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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