Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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