if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
