There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
