And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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