if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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