happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
