OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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