If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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