Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
