the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
