Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
