Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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