i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
